Nobody told Me

When you become a parent, after all your friends kids have hit puberty, nobody warns you how alone you will feel. When you become a parent of a special needs child, nobody warns you of how alone you will be.

7 years ago, we brought an amazing little boy into this world. He is so kind, loving and smart but he is also delayed, and has other neuro issues, that when people hear he is SN, "Are you sure? He looks normal." Or my favourite "He is just a 7 year old boy."

I sit here wondering about his future and what the world looks like to him. I sit here wondering if I did something wrong during my pregnancy and I sit here, thanking God for blessing me with this amazing kid.

You see at the end of the day, at the end of a very long and tiring and emotional day, at the end of the day that I have shed so many tears, I hear "Im sorry Mommy. I just cant help it." And my heart breaks all over again.  I look at my son and tell him that tomorrow is a new day and that his behavior will never stop me from loving him. That God loaned him to me and my job, as a Mommy, is to love him. And I get a sad smile and a "I love you," before he wipes his tears and snuggles down.

This "job" is by far the hardest job I could ever have. I have an 18 year old, whom I miss so much my heart hurts, and a 7 year old, that lights up my world. I wouldnt trade the endless sleepless nights, or the millions of tears shed for 1 minute without my boys.

Jesus Wept and so do I. Jesus gave grace and I do my best to do the same. Jesus died so that I could live again, and so that I could teach my boys about Him and His life. Thank you Jesus for your grace and for my boys!! Thank you for weeping and letting me know that its ok to cry. Thank you for loving me where I am and for who I am. And thank you for my boys.

Nobody told me being a mom would be so hard, or so alone but I know I have Jesus!!