All my life, I have always aimed to please whoever I was around. I would get extremely anxious if I sensed disappointment, or if I had to ask to do something. And it never made sense until my husband laid a piece of knowledge on me. He said "I believe your gift is to be there for everyone else. To help heal, or fix and that's it." I was taken aback. Why is that my gift? Why would God give me a gift that would, time after time, hurt me? So that HE would be my ultimate healer. See, I have looked at every person in my life and had standards and when they couldn't meet them, I would be crushed. And this was everyone, so after be crushed over and over, I just quit trying. I quit reaching out. I started building walls and keeping people at arms length. But I was miserable. I wasnt there for anyone. I was allowing Satan to use my pain to keep me from seeing what God had intended for me. Now, I'm not saying that since my hubby told me that I am healed, I'm not, but I can see clearer now. I can understand why I get anxious, or why I struggle. See I look at myself like that gorgeous country farmhouse, sitting off in the distance. It has a wrap around porch with porch swings and its gorgeous. Has a fresh coat of paint, and looks new. But under closer examination, you realize the painters didnt remove the old paint in all spots, so there's already some chips happening. And that's me, I know God has me, but I am a work in progress. Just as I am there for those around me, and I may be crushed again in the future, I know God will scrap off the old paint, and paint new!
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