All my life, I have struggled. I habe struggle to make friends, to keep friends, to feel accepted. I know where that stems from, but that's for another day.
Why is it so hard to find my people? I am tired of being alone and fighting alone. Having a circle to help defend the enemy would make life easier.
I say I am alone but truthfully, I'm not. I always have God beside me. And honestly, I still struggle there. I dont know why. Maybe it's the flesh speaking. Always hearing you're not good enough, seeing it play out your entire life, makes believing otherwise hard. I KNOW God is always there. I have seen Him work miracles in my life, in my families lives, but still flesh gets in the way. Women tend to joke about how Eve cursed us to a life of misery but that stupid serpent did it. He went after Adam's helpmate, the person that would keep Adam strong, that would keep her family together. He went after the one person he knew that would crumble all the future "Eves." And I wonder if after Eve bit into that apple, if self doubt didnt start creeping in immediately. If she didnt start questioning her self worth immediately. If she didnt look around and wonder why am I here, what do I have to offer Adam.
I often have those same questions. I wonder why I am not good enough to be invited out. I wonder why I spend all my time alone, outside mu husband and boys. I wonder what curse was laid that I have picked up, thay attributes to my loneliness. Am I destined to be another Eve and spend my days banished from the wonders of God's glory because of my "apple?"
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